Sonnet to Ash Blonde Love

Seriously, she had unbelievable
Amounts of ash blonde
Hair on her head. Balanced like
A meringue but that sounds
Rude and ugly but she wasn’t
Either. She was beautiful her
Ash blonde hair crown on angel
Face with lips bright red and
Twinkling eyes like emerald
Diamonds oh so bright she
Cast a shadow over everyone
Else in the room who could
Not bathe in her reflected glory as
She was just too beautiful.

She waved her hands to
Conduct her crowd in conversation
Alone she led her voice like
Honey melting over all who
Listened and laughed and
Shared her intimate thoughts on
Life and love and loss and pain
And smiles. She sought to soothe
The hearts of those she had
Rejected in favour of only me
Her true love found some summers past.
She didn’t choose me as we both fell
Into it as lovers do a mutual
Like though she was stunning.

I could not believe it
When she said yes to my request
To go to see The Cure in
Concert firstly because they are
An acquired taste and secondly
I never thought she would agree
So had to pay a fortune for
A second ticket but that’s proved
Money so well spent I have to say
As love has bloomed and tempers
Meld into one fab partnership of
Equal lust and love times
Passion and pleasure infused
With just a little of je ne sais quoi.

Boy on Train

I’m sitting on a train from
Sheffield to Nottingham
And across the aisle a
Lad is mushing up his hair
In the window and looking
Pretty damn pleased with himself.

He delves into a plastic bag
Replete with toothpaste, brush
And soap and finds a body
Spray and gives himself a burst
All over his front and armpits and
Oh my god down his pants he goes.

Next onto his phone he texts
A promise he must be on as
He smiles to himself as the letters
Fly. He stops, shrugs and lies
Across the twin seat exhausted by
His actions and what he is about to do.

And then just as into Nottingham
We pull, a text wends its’ way
To boy across the aisle from me. He pops
In a mint to freshen his breath.
His fingers through his hair again
Prepared and primed his night begins.

Lost

Looking out the window
Spotting with rain
Dreaming of the good things
Sure they’ll happen again.
Looking out the window
Mirrors of your smile
In the sun shining so high
Images of love up in the sky.
Looking out the window
Wanting to hold you close
Feel your body next to mine
Being together for all of time.
Looking through the window
See your body lying next to
Him. What did I do that was so wrong?
To find your love for me has gone?

Growing old apart

Where did it all go?
The love we knew and shared
Where did it disappear?
To be replaced by nothing, but anger and fear
Suspicion and recrimination.
We had so much growing up together
To lose it all growing old apart.
Where did it go the love and understanding?
We never had to explain each word
As we do now to make sure
That umbrage is not taken.
The feeling that we could never be apart
Torn away by guilt and obsession
Destroyed by just a word.
Old together
As it was always going to be
But now old apart
And never together again.
Jealous, angry, emotions untapped
Pouring out and no damn to halt them
Caused by fear and anxiety
At what will be, when what will be
Has become.
An empty dark shell
With memories lost.
Destroyed by words that cannot be taken
Back because they were said with such
Spite and venom that the
Pain cannot ever be eased.
You did love once, but
Now it’s gone replaced by vitriol because
That is so much easier.
Anger comes first
And love has been forgotten
What once was has escaped to
Drift away and not be caught
Because it is so much
Easier to hate than to
Love.
To take rather than to
Give.
Its great to lose all that
Compassion.
To lose all that
Harmony
That we once had because you are
Not prepared to try to
Love and
Listen any more.

Words

First come the sticks
And then came the stones
But it was the words
That would always hurt me.
I can take the thwack of a stick or
The bang of a stone
All day and every day.
But the cutting spiteful
Wounding words that leave
A scar that can never be healed
That’s what hurts the most.
Sticks can bruise
But that will fade.
Stones can sting
And that disappears.
But words once spoken
Can never be unsaid
And the pain remains forever

Why?

Why can you never say you’re sorry when you do
something wrong, is it because you don’t love me
any more or did you ever love me at all?
Why can’t you apologise when you do the wrong thing
say the wrong word utter the wrong comment?
Why is it that you are so frightened of showing
to me the side that shows you do care and
do love me, why can’t you just say the right
thing at the right time instead of just
letting the pain go on and on?

Black Dog

Sitting in my own corner, looking in
Side to the thoughts that drag me so
Down into the depths that no one wants to
Go to. Looking inside so no one
Else can see the thoughts that
Afflict and send me spiralling into
An oblivion of blackness.
Singing my own song listening to
Got a flaming heart, can’t get
my fill. Eyes that shine burning red,
Picture that and don’t go under
Painful visions of a reality of gloom.
Dreams of you all through my head.
Steady rolling descending and fall
Under the blanket that covers our
Hopes and despairs, needs and misery.
Need a woman to hold my hand
Won’t tell me no lies
Make me a happy man.
If that was the ease
Then we would all be whole
No one can cure the affliction that
Cripples and drains the heart from the soul
Till cause is found and remedy
Resolves the lowness and doubt that
Suffocates and extracts the breath of
Life that once was so vivid and alive with
Love joy and happiness now
Depleted as the arid suction of the black
Dog howls and casts its
Gloomy shadow over all.

Boy on Train

I’m sitting on a train from
Sheffield to Nottingham
And across the aisle a
Lad is mushing up his hair
In the window and looking
Pretty damn pleased with himself.

He delves into a plastic bag
Replete with toothpaste, brush
And soap and finds a body
Spray and gives himself a burst
All over his front and armpits and
Oh my god down his pants he goes.

Next onto his phone he texts
A promise he must be on as
He smiles to himself as the letters
Fly. He stops, shrugs and lies
Across the twin seat exhausted by
His actions and what he is about to do.

And then just as into Nottingham
We pull, a text wends its’ way
To boy across the aisle from me. He pops
In a mint to freshen his breath.
His fingers through his hair again
Prepared and primed his night begins.

True Love

Why can’t you love me the way that I
love you? Why can’t you give to me
the way I give to you?
My heart, my soul, my spirit all is
yours and you take and feed from it and
leave me hollow with nothing back in
return. Why can’t you give me your
love the way I give you mine?
Why leave me always wanting
more from what we have, empty and
aching wishing we had more time.
Incubus you leave me drained
and weak from working so hard
to keep our love aflame.
Why should this be such an
effort when once it was so
easy? Is it that you no longer love
me as I love you? That having
drained all my love away you
need to feed elsewhere?
I have no more to give as
I have given all I have and
if not enough I can do no
more as less than all my love
is no love at all.

Judgement Call

How can you look at me and judge whether I am fit to
be the one who adorns her neck and links her arm and
kisses the lips that purse and ask who is that man?
Where does he come off with acting as if he rules the
world in which we live?
Who are you to judge whether I am fit to
lace the boots of the one who sits so
smugly above us all and lauds it over tea?
Why should you judge the merits of my worth before
you even get to know the value of my deeds?
You sit on high and think that you are the one who reigns,
but all I can say is that knowing the price of everything and the
value of nothing will never qualify you to sit in on my judgement.

Sunshine

Two golden hands reach out and pull the clouds apart
like Superman ripping his shirt to expose the S for
sunshine that spins into view blitzing all before it with
shards of warmth and brilliantine.
Deep in my tummy the gooey feelings of
warmth and passion come to the fore as I
see the sunshine of my life glimmer as down the path
towards my arms that will squeeze her love inside of me
she comes, not allowing any escape.
Warmth and sun and sun and warmth
my love complete as jolts of yellow
gleam enter into my heart and soothe my
restless soul that welcomes the streaming sun
and bids farewell to Winters grey and sucking cold.
Goodbye to Spring as well as it tempts us into thinking
Summer has arrived with intermittent bursts of what we love best.
Best to love or love the best; the sunshine of my life
comes and all is perfect as we dissolve
into the snug warmth of our Love.
Sunshine brings new life to us all as rays spray down
and seed our world, just as our lucent love will seed
our future sunfilled World.

Chrysalis of Hope

I read on Tumblr,
which I am apt to do,
A really good way
(Though I am no
Expert)
Of how to deal with
Self Harm
A practise I do not perform.
Instead of cutting you
Draw a Butterfly with
Indelible ink onto the place
You were going to cut and
Leave it there to
Fade in its’ own time and I
Suppose that your
Need to cut will fade with it.
I have to say though,
Having no idea of the pain that a
Self Harmer goes through, that
This seems rather
Simplistic on the face of it.
And life can not always
return to normal on the lacelike
Wings of a Butterfly.
But there again a Butterfly
is so strong that perhaps we
should look to them to fly away
with our darkest fears and
bring some happiness.

The Worry Tree

As a device in mental
health circles some bright
spark has developed the
smashing idea of the worry tree
where, if you are anxious about
anything in particular you come
up with an action plan and when
you have that plan in place you
say to your doubting self can I
do anything about this worry?
and if you can that’s fine, but if
you can’t the answer is so simple,
you throw the worry away. So
along with being asked if you have
thought about harming yourself due
to your illness, or even ending your
bleak filled life you now have to
nurture the roots of the worry tree
before you throw your worry
away and are so miraculously
Cured.

To mend my heart

I search for a heart a heart so pure
I look inside and out A heart I do desire.
I desire the heart to give me love
a love so divine to mend my shredded own.
My heart was broken by man most foul
now I search for a heart to mend my bleeding own.
He took my heart my love, my soul
dismissed when bored and cold.
I need a heart to mend my slivered own.
treated like dirt abused, despoiled
he took my heart and crushed it so
I deserve a heart to mend my breaking own.
I search for a heart in fields and rain
in towns and fog a village, alone.
I deserve new love I did no wrong
need love to bring to mend my shattered heart.
She came into my life so pure
a virgin sweet with soul of gold
she mends my heart with words of love
and joyful smile.
A touch so gentle a kiss so sweet
she wins my defeated heart.
She brings her own a heart I do deserve.
I give her my heart to she I love
my golden angel pure.
I give my love my heart my soul
to her own virtuous self my heart she mends
it’s whole again to share.

hu-tieh

If you have a covert desire,
go capture a butterfly and whisper
your secret to it. Since butterflies
cannot ever speak or sing,
your thoughts are for ever safe
in their caring keeping.
Set free the butterfly, and it will
carry your dreams to the Great Spirit,
who all alone knows the thoughts of each
and every butterfly. By setting the
fragrant butterfly free, you restore natures
sweet balance, and your wish will surely be granted.

So my thoughts return to
Years gone by when as a boy
I sat on a wall, close to the park
In the morning sun
With a friend who didn’t remain
a friend for long. He used to catch
Butterflies in his hands and brush
the fairy dust from their gossamer
wings which meant they could no
longer fly, so died a pointless death
after all their efforts to escape the rigid
cloak that formed their early life.

Made so more tragic if they
were carrying the gentle words
of some sweet angel who only wanted
her love to hear her musings, but
dare not speak them direct.
I always loved to see the myriad
colours fluttering and drifting upon
the wind soaring high or flitting
low, colours indescribable as they
wended their dream like way up
to the Great Spirit who awaited
their most private news.

Today they float and glide upon
Girls damaged arms and boys
chastened legs without the
fairy dust that let them shimmer
in the pale blue sky, but instead
their colour reflects the mood of those
blemished by the knife or blade.
A reminder to them that
Someone cares and hopes
That one day they will be free
To choose to be just who they
wish to be and face no judgement calls.

You are not alone as the
Butterfly saunters down your arm
Or rambles along your leg and
fades as do your nightmares
bleak.The translucent wings so light
But strong reflect your courage
as you take on the darkness of the
night that fill your every day.
The whimsy that is the butterfly
mark resonates a strength that you
do seek to beat the demons away
from your door and replace with
the beauty of the psyche it reflects.

Kiss me before you go

Kiss me before you go
Though that has happened already
Gone to where your dreams are
Held thirty years ago
A world where we do not exist, but one
Where you are happy.
Kiss me so that the memories return
And do not get shunted into
the siding of your forgotten world.
Kiss me before you go
and remember what we had, and
what has gone for ever.
You sit and smile, a knowing smile,
but what does it disguise? Who am I
now, your son or a colleague from your
wartime years, what do you see with misty
eyes? The son who loved you or
a visitor to pass your time?
Kiss me before you go
Along the journey that we all must face
away from love and care and all that I
can remember, but you, it’s all forgot;
escaping into the world you left behind,
the worlds in which you live.
Kiss me before you go
the man I used to know no longer sitting
proud and erect but curled within
himself to remember what?

Self Help Therapy

Waiting for my appointment, moved again
for some organisational purpose which
never involved me or consulted me so
it must be right, a man came in on his
wheelchair, very adept and smooth
to book himself in having, like me
had his appointment changed at a whim,
twice. He was quite a garrulous chap and
though he arrived after me
he got in first which was a pain. But
anyway, he said that the leader of
the small mental health self help group
that he was in was so pleased with himself
and with the service that they provided that
he had boasted, smiling, of course, that
We are there for you
Monday to Friday
Nine till five.
The Patient, it is
You
We serve.
So smug and secure; until it
Was pointed out that
Most people felt really bad
And at their very lowest
At about two in the morning on a
Sunday.
So who was there for them then?
Self Help indeed.

Papillons de mon coeur

The Ancient Greeks who were very wise
considered butterflies to be the
souls of those who had passed away.
In ancient mythology, they stand
for wisdom and everlasting knowledge.
In Russian a dushuchka is their name
for a butterfly which is a derivative
of the word dusha which also means
soul. A solemn word to us.
The Irish have a symbolic meaning for
butterflies. The also say that
Butterflies are souls of the dead, but
waiting to pass through purgatory.
Which I am sure is very lonely
for them and so must explain
a great deal.
Mexico also sees butterflies
as souls. It is to this town that
Monarch Butterflies so beautiful and fleet
migrate every year, around the holiday
known so sweetly as the Day of the Dead.
The people of the town see these
butterflies as the returning souls of
the deceased. So it must become
so crowded as souls return and meet
and flutter and greet and sigh in the warming winds.
For Christians, it is considered a soulful symbol
and Butterflies symbolize much change.
But also
Resurrection
Transition
Celebration
Lightness
Time
Soul.
But it is change we seek the most.
Finally, and this should
never be taken too lightly,
the butterfly is symbolic of rebirth
after death. And so to us there it is,
the rebirth of what we have lost, be it
our innocence or our youth.
You can never bring them back, but
never think that you are alone as
butterflies will always your sentinel be.

Reach for the stars

If you want me too can I try to fix it for you?
But you will have to want to be fixed.
Who am I to offer that help
Not knowing what goes on inside your head?
You swear at me and ask me what do I think I’m doing?
When I try to lend a hand.
Who do you think you are to tell me it will be ok?
When will the pain go away?
And I can only say when you want it to and that is all the
help I can give. You have to want it to go away.
You have to make the pain disappear and how do you do that?
If we had the answer we would all be fine as just
wanting it to go is not enough, but look outside the darkness
and you will see that there is some light and you have to reach for it
no matter how much your hands are held back you must stretch for it
and ignore the words that would deny you happiness.

Jack in the box

I think I fell in love at twelve o’clock it’s quite
a blur but so was she as she exploded into my life
like a jack from a box into my arms and introduced her
self so casually.
Hi I am the one she said and you have no
choice but to take me in your arms as I am already here
and need to be loved and cherished by a man as good
as you. As good as me I thought? How nice as I am
a good man and she was a good girl so we had to wait
till we tied the knot before we could see whether our
love was perfect and of course it was so glorious I was ashamed
I had ever doubted it. She stole my heart and my life as I
gave all to her and she shared the same with me in such an
exquisite way that I had hardly strength to breathe. It is so nice
when someone leaps into your life and changes all perception
of how it should be and of course it cannot happen to everyone
but that does not mean you should ever stop hoping
for your very own precious Jack in the box.

If you loved me.

If you loved me you’d write poems about me.
But all the poems are in my head to keep me company
as the day drags by before you return.
Why should I write about my love and lose the feeling that
stays in my heart as absence makes it grow ever fonder?
Why write about my love when I just love all there is about
you and around you and inside of you?
Why write about a love that will never ever end, even when
we both have completed our short stay on earth?
Why write about what we both have?
I can only show you as words mean so little in the great
scheme of things.
And if I don’t show you how much I love you
then I am remiss, because the words I would use are
so many and would take an age to write and would
never, ever end as there are so many different ways
of writing my love.

Radiation Sickness

I may be flawed in so many ways
but one thing keeps me straight on
the narrow and that is my undying
love for you.
I may not say it often
enough and certainly may
not show it often enough,
but I hope you can feel the
love that radiates from me
to you like the sun to the
earth for every second of
the day and even as the
moon absorbs and reflects
the sun, each second of
the night as well.

Would you rather words were unspoken?

One man’s cliche is
another man’s truth.
A truism if ever I heard one.
Who can judge the words we
Speak, when openly the speaker
knows exactly what they mean?
A cliché given may be the only
way to articulate how they feel
and so to disparage their words
so dismissively, is a cliché in itself.
Not listening, just hearing not
thinking just acting with no
concern for the other.
A cliche used Is not words wasted,
but words used to show how
they feel when words of their
own they cannot find and surely
that is worth all the words in
the world if they truly come
from the heart?

Disparition

How can you be alone in a crowded room?
So simple really, you love the one who
cannot be loved by you and pine
away into invisibility as all his attention
fixates onto another. You are invisible
even though you are a beautiful person
as well, so pretty and so fine
unseen by others who do not want to
know the girl who sits alone and drifts in
and out of her own so very personal darkness.

How am I able to disappear in full
view of everyone like some fantastical magical
trick when I only want him to love
me for who I am? How can I be seen by
eveyone when I want to hide and keep
my scars from others eyes? Why does it
not work for me in reverse to be seen
when I want to be seen and to hide
from sight when I want to disappear
and cry myself to sleep as he does not
see me again. Why do I disappear
when all I want is for him to see me and
realise that I am beautiful too.

St Margarets Bus Station

I was watching this bloke
a popping and a locking and a krumping
in his own private world at
the bus station in Leicester.
He was oblivious to all who stared
in wonder at his faintly epileptic moves.
I was watching this girl
who was watching this bloke
a popping and a locking and a krumping
and her eyes were just boggled
in rapt amazement at the stunning
audacity of his dancing crimes.
I was watching this lad
who was watching this girl
who was watching this bloke
a popping and a locking and a krumping
and he so obviously was thinking
I really fancy her so should I go
and ask her out or should I start
a popping and a locking and a krumping
and capture her admiration that way?
His head was moving to his own
personal music and he was thinking
how can I get her to dance to my tune?

Married Life

I love the way you smile that
so sad smile even when you are happy.
I love the way that you know
when I need a hug and a
kiss instead of words.
I love the way that I am the only
one who ever sees the beauty spot
hidden upon your beauty.
I love the way you taste when
I kiss your scarlet lips.
I love the way your hands
electrify my body when you touch
me.
I love the way you know what
not to say when I am feeling down.
I love the way your eyes sparkle
and glitter at dead of night, bringing all to life.
I love the way you hold your warm
body next to me on the coldest night.
I love the way that you are always there
Just when I need you the most
even when I can not realise it.
I love the way that you always tell me
the truth, even when I do not want to hear it.
But most of all
I love the way that you are all
Mine.

The First Time

The first time ever I saw your face
I knew at once that you must be mine,
not to own as that would be wrong
but to share my heart, my mind,
my bed, my life. A need that never
before I’d had, you were the angel
I had dreamt of for ever past and
ever more our love complete.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
A thousand tingling surges erupted in my eyes.
As soft as gossamer, you brushed my skin,
floating like some angelic dream. It was as
sweet as nectar warm as fire, your lips devouring
all I had, exhausting my heart as it beat so fast.
The scarlet words you whispered low just made
my time complete.

And the first time ever I lay with you
You made my life complete. A whole
created by your perfect form and a
love that could never be denied.
Your body next to mine suspended
in some timeless space to be devoured
for ever more, enjoyed, desired and so
much more you make my life complete.

The first time that we were as one, time stood
still and my body stopped not wanting it to
resume. The feelings I had could never be
exceeded so why want the clock to start.
You are my all, my soul mate too, pure in
all that you assume. Why share this love
with anyone it is but ours and ours alone
when all is just complete.

Christmas Lights

My true love stood in a cardboard
box painted black with stars
and moons glittering upon it.
Around it she had described a
dozen gifts so neatly wrapped
with ribbon and bows.
She dressed in green and trailed
sparkling party lights around her head
and breasts and stood arms out wide
shaking bangles and bracelets of silver
and cried Merry Christmas to
everyone, have a wonderful time.
Before she had to switch the
lights off as they burnt her face.
But she was the most adorable
Christmas Tree a man could
ever wish for.

The Shattered Glass

Where is the rose that cuts your arm?
Inside my heart, its petals crushed.
The barbed wire that scratched your leg?
Around my lungs constricting my breath.
The thorns that tear your tummy so?
Biting inside my head with every thought I utter.
The broken glass that grooves, rips and
criss crosses whilst traversing your life?
Here deep inside, though I try to throw them off.
Where does the pain that attacks your spirit start?
From inside, it’s what I see and feel.
Though is it real your fears and woes?
As real as breathing they attack my soul.
The blood is just proof that I am alive,
a testimony to the thoughts my mind endures.
The rose, the biting wire, the thorn all real?
As real as the blade that tracks my skin and
moves towards my heart with each slice it makes.
As real as every thought that cuts me down
and breaks my heart and spirit with ease.
Why feel so low what have you lost?
What I never had so can never find,
peace inside and serenity out.
I want what is my due, but cannot own.
Acceptance and a place in this world of
ours with never a doubting Thomas there
to say I am not worth my place
amongst the chosen, that I am the equal
of all for just being myself. That’s all I
want, a place at the table we all do share.
Is that so wrong, do I deserve the pain
I have for just wanting to be normal?

Eiderdown

When I am with you the sun shines
all day long and skies are cloudless and
the breeze is warm. Birds sing and
honey bees fly and keep the world
in its place. In all, the natural order
is clear, you are my love and I
adore you so, and you keep my
heart beating strong.
Without you the world is dark and
clouds blank out the sun. The wind
cuts through me and chills my
heart. The skies are full of rain and
sleet and birdsong is no more.
Without you my life is not worth
living and I pull into myself the
hopes I once had of happiness
and joy. Without your laughter to
cheer my soul I am empty and
incomplete. Without you I cannot
face the day and lie in abject
desolation wanting the time to end
and meld into the night to let me
sleep and forget that my life
has no meaning anymore.
How can I live without your love
when all I have is my love
to give to you and all I want is
for your love to cover me.

Summertime Sadness

Joined at the hip all this year then apart
for summer as we wend our separate ways.
Can we last as partners, lovers indeed
as you return home to friends and family?
Will our love survive the ocean that will flow
between us or are our paths set to divide
as renewed friendships obscure what we now
have here when we are alone?
I loved you from the first sight I set and
want you forever to be my true love but
home you have to go to earn a wage
and leave me here at my house crying
into my phone.
Kiss me hard before you go,
it may be the last time our lips do touch
as lovers and so much more.
Promise you will return and once again
be mine and mine alone no more to leave
and burn my heart alive as in pain I
wait for you to arrive back to where you
belong, next to my side. The sun of
Summer cannot obscure the cold of winter
that will fall when you leave my side and fall
like snow upon the barren land that is my heart.

Honeymoon

We walked all day and loved all night
I kissed your lips and stroked your hair as
you whispered sweet nothings into my
ear. We saw the sights but mostly each
other as we drifted through time and
space soaking up the sights and smells
and sounds and tastes of the city of our
love which reflected our mode so well.
On Sacre Couer we embraced and looked about
the town from high soaking up all that it could
offer. Its beauty stood for a thousand years
as our love would and a day.
Tired we returned to hotel room to share the
bed we would call home for ever more.
Paris in the Autumn with shaded leaves
falling drifting in the wind but never enough
to undress our hearts.
From Tour Eiffel we reigned supreme our love
on high would never fall because what we have
cannot be broken even though some tried.
Sweeping down the Champs Elysee absorbing
all that love can need from centuries of lovers
who rejected Beaudelaires spleen, we see
what is meant by one true love.
Our honeymoon may not last forever as we
hoped, but our love will last unbroken by what
is thrown at it. Our Love ordained on that Autumn
day in Paris in our marriage week. If you
cannot love after Paris you must be an empty
shell, but I am full of love and my heart is complete.

Jigsaw

Our bodies mesh like the perfect jigsaw,
piece by piece they fall into place so
complete it is as if we are one.
Our bodies entwined in love and
emotion sharing and feeling the same
as each breath we take. Together our
love cannot be broken so when we are
apart it as if a piece is missing and
I cannot find the itch to scratch as it is
so deep beneath my skin.
Not that I can compare our love
to an itch though that can be so pleasant
when resolved. No, we are immovable
and illogical as none can explain why we
feel as we feel and cannot be broken as
we are too strong to fracture.
My love for you is such an utter joy that
when the upsets come as they inevitably
must, for two such in love it makes it all
the harder to cope as though love does
conquer all despair is not a happy trait to have.
When we argue about the pointless things
it tears my heart apart, but shows that love
though strained, will always survive the slings
that throw misfortune in its way.
So if at times a piece goes missing it will
Always be found and slotted in to create
the beautiful picture that is our love.

The Nicest Thing

You are the nicest thing to happen to me
without you I would be dust blowing on a
lonely path to nowhere.
Without you there would be no reason
to continue you are my everything the
reason to breathe and to live.
I love you more than you can ever know
and the weight of that love is at times
so heavy it is hard to bear. Your face lights
up my eyes whenever I see it and I adore
your smile and your fingers when they
stroke my arm like some gilded butterfly
so gentle. You are the nicest thing to ever
happen to me and at times I cannot believe
my luck that you stay despite the flaws I
show all too often. You are so strong and
keep me going when times are hard and
fate seems to fight against us. Without you
I could not keep going in my fight to fix
whats broken. You are the nicest thing
to happen to me. Ever.

High Cross, Leicester

Sitting in High Cross
Minding my own, hot sun
shining down on lucarne
reflecting shops by the
dozen and people by the score.
Four boys dancing using windows
as their mirrors in their private
Dance Studio. As they busted
their moves all they thought
was how good they looked.
Three girls watching
Four boys dancing, thinking
how hot they looked and it
wasn’t the sun.
They discussed the moves
Of the four fit lads
as they sidled closer to them
and thought will they soon
dance to our very own tunes?
Two old ladies watching this scene,
not quite understanding what
it all meant. They never saw
boys dancing in the street like this
except that day in 45 when
everybody jigged.
What are they doing?
It’s dancing my love.
Not in my world,
it’s rubbish that is.
Four boys dancing
Three girls watching
Two old dears moaning till
One mean security guard
Moves everyone along.

Broken Pottery

Why treat me like a china doll
Each time you leave my bed?
Walking on egg shells afraid to ask
how do I really feel about your love.
Are you afraid to hear the truth that
will surely spill from my porcelain
smile and crackleworn lips?
I let you enter in every sense,
to have to hold, to love , to share,
my body and my downy bed,
but that’s as far as feelings go.
The rest is in my head.
My false visage you cannot
access lest hopelessness pervades.
I hold it in not wanting to share the
darkness and the spite that
loiters here between my ears
as you taste what is between my legs.
My service is broken, split in two.
My mind a mess , a fudge of black
absorbing every ill forever and a day.
Despite your love, there is no cure
for the lethargy that infuses my
dead nightmare life,
I want to love you with all my heart,
but till it’s fixed can see no way through.
My mind says yes he is the man.
My body welcomes all that you enjoy,
but I’m still lost in long ago.
My body wants your perfect touch
yet shivers and slides away as contact
leaves me numb behind my eyes,
between my legs, inside my heart.
The vacuum remains in china clay
That cannot be fired, cannot be lustered.
My life is but a fractured
vase, impervious to your glaze.

Effluvium of love

My tears are like the rain
they fall and cannot be stopped
until the sun comes out and
you are my sun. My body is
like the snow that floats from
the sky, cold yet beautiful and
waiting for the thaw that only
your touch can bring.
My mind is like the wind that
blows and swirls with no direction
seeking out what it can
and chasing the rest away.
My lips are like the touch of
the moon that dapples all around
waiting only for a cloud to cast
the shadow on our love.
My heart is like the oceans wide
consuming all before them but
poisoned by the world.
My love is like the air we breathe,
pure yet polluted by the poison it shields.
My love is like the seasons ever changing,
but ever there, constant in its hold and grip.
My love is unrequited and I cannot see why.
You are my everything, but always pass me by.
My love is like a fog hidden from your sight
and never to be seen. My love can never
rise, can never prosper if you cannot
see my world. I need your love to nurture
me and make me grow, instead you
let me waste and die away starved of
your affection, your heart withheld.
I will always love you with all my life,
but me you can never see, hidden
by the smaze that blights our world.

Troubador

I sing my song of love whenever
I see your face, the notes rise high
into the sky and echo as they reach
their lofty peak. My hymn of praise for
you does not need a follower as it is
from me for you and you alone.
My tune a praise for your loving
ways a rhyme that soars and
floats and touches all who hear
though tis only you that
I want to impress. My melody lifts
a thousand hearts, but for only one
heart my desire is true, the joy my
chorale can bring is known just
by you as the air that I sing is
the air that you breathe. The air
that you breathe is the air that I
kiss with my refrain for you a
lyric of my love unbound.

Dancing on the edge of Death

Could this be true, the love I feel?
I’ve only just been introduced.
We have so much we share in common
and I do not want to miss a beat..
Can this be right the way I feel
each time a room you enter, my
heart explodes and beats a tune
too fast for me to contemplate.
Can I contain the thoughts I feel
within this my body or should I explode
and shout the words it’s her
she’s mine I’ve found her?
Mine? I hope as she is just so right
all men would gladly take
the chance to call her their own true
love, but for me alone it is the time
as she has given me the sign to make
my move to hold her close to cherish
every breath she takes.

Alphabet

You have a way with words
she said and smiled but which
way is it going? My way or yours
I can’t be sure but it will be the
right way I know. But words,
what are they and what do they
mean? What I hear you say or
is it a way to deceive me and
leave me? My words get right
to the heart and in no way beguile
as words spoken can never be
unsaid so why waste them on
meaningless things on the fripperies
of conversation that waste words
that cannot move or charm or hurt
or show love. Words spoken in love
or in hate can make or destroy but
should we leave words unspoken.

Gardening Times

I was weeding in my garden and between
the digging and forking and ripping
out of roots and grass and weeds and alien
shoots I thought how good it would be if we could
pick the parts of our memories we wanted
to keep and throw away the rest. I realise
that we need some bad things to make us
realise that we have it good, but when the
memories scar and refuse to let us move
on then why should we keep a hold of them?
How do we dispose of that which we do not
want and to be honest never even wanted
a reminder of dark times and bleakness.
Too many lie back in the memories of the
past, content to blame and fixate and never
move forward because they see no point
when in fact the very reason we have these
memories is to show us what has been and
what can be, so we live with hope afresh’
Why stagnate in former times when it is your
future that sets you free? Remove the weeds
from your memories soul, plant seeds and saplings
new and foster each with care. New dreams
can and will come true, so dispose of the
creeping roots that threaten to choke the
fresh and embrace the life you deserve if
you maintain your gardens fancy vagary.

Seulement dans une salle serrée

Sitting on the outside looking in
Invisible to everyone there I mourn
my sadness I try to fit in but I am
alone in a crowd of voices excluded
not purposely (I hope) but just not
seen or even acknowledged.
What’s worse? Not fitting in no matter
how hard you try or being excluded
from the company of men and women
who cannot see you though you cry
before their very eyes? Do I deserve
this judgement? I have done no wrong
only existing in a time when all people
can see is their own reflection and hear
only the voice they own.
I want so much to be part of this but
find my cloak of invisibility all consuming.
My use of language is ignored, they
cannot hear me. The air I breathe is
wasted as it does not allow me to live
amongst them. I drown on dry land
gasping for acceptance and get none.
No longer acknowledges no longer
seen no longer a part of the world in
which I live. Is it any wonder I retreat
deep into my blackest cavern. Alone.
Neglected. Forgotten. Ignored. Unwanted.
The outsider, forever looking in and never
gaining the key to the door and never,
ever, knowing why.

Danse vers l’arrière

One step forwards, two steps back
we dance the dance of sadness,
make some progress, get hauled back
down into despondancies arms.
Hold on tight, don’t let go
Your pain cannot be eased
by trite words describing what
they can never understand or feel.
One step forward, feeling good
the sun shines into your heart
boosting feelings of self esteem
and worth beyond a measure.
Two steps backwards down to earth
a crash as reality enters once again
breaking your spirit and your heart
leaving all in the basement of your life.
Hold on tight, you swing again
Refuse to loosen your grip on Summers
warmth reach to the sky and hug it
close, relief will come I’m sure.

Croire

She smiles her sadness and sat apart.
Alone in splendid isolation to mourn the
passing of her time as it slewed along
the road ignoring how she felt and breathed.
She laughed her tears away as if they
meant her nothing but it was the weeping
of a broken heart.
She shrugged the clouds that hung around
her head aside and tossed them into the
distant sunshine that she could always see,
but never ever feel.
She kissed despair goodnight only to see
its return when morning broke a dawn with
no happy chorus, her sleep a slight refuge
against the hurt and pain of her despair.
She waved her fears adieu only to welcome
them back with open arms , a treat she never
wanted or deserved.
She cut her darkness out and bled her horrors
into the day a scarlet procession of tears and
sadness wrapped up in guilt and foreboding.
It may drain away, but can never cleanse the
poison that burned away her soul and heart.
But all the pain and dread will pass you by
as one day flushed from your system you may
wave back and say I beat you out and won
my fight to let my mind run free.
It may be hard and look unreal, a dream that will
never come to fruition, but I can see the hope
that’s there can win and bring you peace.
Never give in and relax your fight, it’s worth the
war you fight. to beat it back and win the day
that time will surely come. Though so hard to
be waiting for this day your patience will be rewarded.

Cicatrice

I see the scars behind your eyes
as tears try to wash them all away.
I hear the scars deep in your voice
as words describe your hurt.
I feel the scars held in your hugs
as you fail to hold me close.
I read the scars etched in your mind
as you try so hard to cope.
I taste the scars that smear your lips
as they poison all you say.
I breathe your scars within your sighs
as blackness envelopes all your soul.
I hate the scars that taint your life
as the pain invades your blood.
I fear the scars and all your pain
as the worst infects your world
I kiss the scars cut on your wrist
and heal them with my love.

Holding On

I hold your hand and love you forever,
this umbilical can never be broken.
It sends tingles of desire straight to
my heart a link in the chain unbroken.
I hold you close and breathe the air
you used to say I love you I cannot do
more than share your breath it
makes me feel complete.
I kiss your lips and taste your love
all sweetness and desire,
your softness quivers beneath my touch
as pleasure takes your soul. You hold
your body next to mine a temple for my
worship. I love you more than life itself
without you I’d be pointless.

Raindrops and Sunbeams

I watch the rain come slanting down in lines as straight as arrows.
cutting through the sky it makes a dash to hit the ground and splash
into a trillion droplets of diamond patterned shards.
Fracturing along the fault lines of its hopes as like my heart it
shatters. My core beats rain drops upon my soul, damping all desire and floods my mind with thoughts of drowning in my love for you.
The darkness that the rain torrents from is the blight upon my mind
that turns from thoughts of happiness to those of deepest hurt.
How can I love the broken heart the one who lights up my life?
A slivered organ that can play no tune of love in the showers that dark skies bring. That my love brings to me as wounded she tries to fill the void.
Her love so damaged by heart so black and mind so scarred by rains drowning force. She brings her pain to the altar of what should be our hearts desire and to beat it back is our first true quest. Once vanquished, the love can pour on through, but only if her mind allows a ray of sunshine to defeat the showers of her mind. Her rainclouds hover and drift ready to erase all below, we can only dream that the sun will break through and bathe us with its beams of one true love.

You can never break my heart
It’s already smashed in two
a million slivers of pain by all the
loves I’ve won and lost throughout
my time on earth.
Don’t break my spirit by running
away after the girl who just smiled
and teased you apart from me by
offering more than I was ever willing
to give though what is more than
everything I will never know.
Don’t try to crush my dreams through
telling lies that it was not me but you as I
know full well it will always be me that
loses the love I had tried so hard to win.
Don’t dare to think my spirit will ever renew
once your love is ripped away, how can it heal
when you were all and now I am nothing in
the greater scheme of things abroad.

Love lost love

Skin to skin though a world apart
Dreams shared in the same space
But thoughts diverge as clouds rain down.
Breathe my breath so close we lie.
Feel my heart beat so fast here
next to yours, but feel not my love for you
gone away as far as we can see.
But I am blind to the touch
that once made me thrill to your
response as I to yours did moan
with pleasure high.
Skin on skin, so far apart our dreams
no longer one. We share the bed,
but not our hopes as they are long since
past shattered. Why remain and feel this
pain in your presence here?
I long for you to return to the state we
once had when love was all we knew,
sofor now I just lie in hope as I
lie to myself that all will be well.

Depths

The hole you leave when you go
Is as deep as my love for you
As wide as the smile on your face
As empty as my head becomes
when you are not there to fill it
with happiness and words that
make my day complete.
Without you I am naked in a storm
of wind and rain that gnaw at my feelings,
sending them spinning into the pit that you leave.
That feeling that tugs and drags at my heart and
burns my throat as my tears well up without you
and I am half complete, half man half shadow
alone and in despair. If you know all this and I tell
you so how can you leave without a backward glance?
Is it to hide your tears as you rip our love apart?
You will come back, at least for now as your love
still lingers, but come the day when love is lost,
how can I mend my heart and become a whole again?

Breath

Your kiss is like a whisper on the wind
so soft and gentle but sending thrills
throughout my body as it searches high and low.
Your touch is like a sunbeam dancing down my spine
a warmth like no other otherworldly in its pleasure.
Your taste like the honeydew on the flower
that blooms along with my love.
You skin to feel so close to mine like nothing else on earth,
a gateway to your heart.
Your eyes so wide and sparkling blue
entreating me to be your love.
Why should you need to plead with me?
I would give my heart to you for free to feel your kiss
your touch your taste and lie with you as skin to skin,
enveloping me in your love as I breathe your breath and
divine your heart is mine.

Judgement Call

I see you at your best, I see you at your worst
and still I love every single part of you.
How can you say I cannot praise
your body or your mind?
That you are the only one who can
because it is your body and you are the queen of all we survey?
I can because I see through the tears and the sadness
to what is really you and that is such a beautiful sight
and I can see it as clear as day whilst you hide
behind the fog of your sadness and despair.
I see your beauty because that’s what is there
despite you feeling low or sad or in the darkness
of your night so black.
I see the brightness behind your eyes,
no matter how you feel.
Who are you to judge what I can see?
I see through you to what is really there,
and want to share all that you can give
no matter how you hide. You feel so low and
think you are worth nothing but I can see your truth.
You must accept what others see and banish what you hold,
it can get better it will get better we will make it better
because I love you so. It is not easy, it is not simple,
but together we can make this happen.
We can show that love will find a way to brighten every heart,
we just have to try.

Missing

Did you say the same to her as you say to me?
Do you kiss my lips as you kissed hers?
Ran your fingers through her hair like you caressed mine?
Breathed on her neck to make her tingle as I am tingling now?
Your hands must have gone there with her as well as me.
But did you moan as you moan now?
What did she lack to make you come to me?
What part of her was not complete?
You chop and change and switch around
how is a girl to know what your love is?
Did you cheat on her like you’ll cheat on me?
Will you get bored with me as you got bored with her?
What is it that makes you seem so shallow
and lacking in a human heart?
Why can’t you love for lovers sake,
why can’t you commit to me and mine?
What is it running through your veins,
Cold blood, cold heart, forever vain.
Why did I fall for a man like you,
who cannot love, can only use?
Why did I make the same mistakes as
the ones you used and hurt before?
Did you wipe away her tears as you said goodbye,
as you won’t see mine when you take your leave?
My heart may break, but I’ll recover
your love is not worth a moments pain.
True love will one day come and hold me in their arms
till then I smile and look around to find my perfect joy.
I tell this as it is surely true, I can wait forever,
but I will find my love, my one and only beau amour.

Broken Heart

How many pieces do I have to find to
replace the ones gone missing smashed
beyond repair by his hateful words?
Where are all the broken parts anyway
what have you done with them, puished
them deep into your head so no
one can ever find them?
So how can I fix what he has broken
and bring a heart to beat again in time
to the rhythms of your love?
What if I repair the damaged part only
for him to return to you and break it once again?
Should I even try to mend what he has
taken and tossed away?
Of course I do as love can be real if you
want it to be and can mean good things to
those who share their thoughts and
feelings with no conditions.
Love can work if you want it to and we all
want that do we not?
So let me correct the work he’s done and
Rectify the pain he caused to bring you back
to a better place with me and I will love you
as no other has because I see in you what
needs to be loved. Your heart is safe in my
gentle hands I can not harm or hurt its beat
as I love you and all about you too much
to bring you pain.

Les yeux des pauvres, Charles Baudelaire wrote
The eyes of the poor and they are still ever with us.
Not just the eyes, but the hopeless hearts of those
Rejected and neglected

I climbed the stars into your bed
I raised the roof to your heart
I opened my eyes to your love

I wished I was your favourite girl
That I was the one you wanted to go to sleep with
And wake up with each morning
Wrapped in your arms and in your
Love. Last thing at night and
First thing each day your eyes I’d love to look into
And see only a reflection of my love
Back to me, sharing as an equal.

Love Story

She makes me laugh she makes me smile
she writes me poems that take a while
for me to understand as they are so full of mystery
and so deep as is my love for her.
I love the way her laughter shoots from her
like an explosion of joy and always for the
right reasons, never at someone always with them.
Her face a picture like from another age
so delicate so rich I turn the page and still
see her in all her glory how can I not want
to make her part of my story.

Battleground

Where is the cat that scratched your arm? It hides itself so well.
Does it not like others in its domain? Alone and solitary?
The bramble bush that scarred your leg, cut down and long
since shrivelled, just like the thoughts that you despise.
The chair that bruised your knee so blue, replaced or just re sited?
Never to let another sit and spend time on just to think?
The bug that made you oh so sick, your paleness it created,
cured or stagnant in your heart so fragmented?
You could not eat, you could not love, your eyes as
sad as orphans in a lonely storm without a hand to hold.
Do tell the truth of what it is that breaks your weeping
Heart, that tears your dreams apart.
Tell me how I can help and not pretend that accidents
have just happened.
You are worth so much more than all the lies and your
self deceit, you are the world to me though I cannot know
your name and how you truly feel.
I stand here and care and want to do my best
to ease your lonely pain.
But you have to admit what it is that wars with you
and try to fight the demons too.

Petals

We cut the flowers and then they die
despite us meaning well.
We present the bouquet and smile our smiles
despite the aging buds destroyed as soon as plucked.
Just like my love, it now drains low
suffused into the sky.
I meant you well though you denied my heart
and now the leaves do fall.
Like tears in the rain, they flood the sky
and love washes slowly to the side
to where knows not, to pastures lost
my love you do deny.
I cut the flowers and bind them up
as tight as they can be just like my heart and
love for you but all to no avail.
Petals float into the air and drift among the wind
like love on the breeze of life itself.
My heartbeat’s dispersed into azure
my love for you denied.
Flowers are doomed as they are picked
and die the death ordained by
immediate joy, then fade to earth.
Like love so cruelly shunned
I love you so, but lose your love
as flowers lose their life.

Love’s Arrows Pierce

If you tell her that you love her
you have to mean it for
you can’t half heartedly lie.
To proclaim your love
you have to want
your love to love you too.
If unrequited
love can hurt and break
your heart in two
a million tiny pieces of
pain and loss as love is harsh
and cruel.
If you love your love and
she loves you back your life
is made complete, no longer
pains of loss and worry, but
pains of love which still can so
careworn be as you find the way
to live and love and be.
To love and fight for breath as
she comes into your sight is pain
enough to start, but the ache when
she has gone or as you wait to kiss
and hold her close is wound indeed.
To miss your love and love when missed
is empty as the clouds above and just
as dense. To need your love is
hurt indeed and not to be wished
upon another soul.
But love when loved is so complete
that pain and throe forgot when
side by side your love replete and
cannot be compared to love without
and love forgot and love dashed
upon the stones.

Love Crucified

Stripped naked on the cross
we have to bare
when deep in love we fall.
Exposed to all our soul and heart
stretched out and torn to shreds.
Stabbed into flesh a crown of thoughts
Of she the one you love.
Does she, will she, can she, would she
Love you of all she could?
Should she despite your flaws and tics
give you what you deserve?
True love is pain and stretched out angst
as thoughts whip through our head
and flay our flesh with doubts and fears.
Love is trust but how can it be so as
unsure in the future you be calmed by
scruples wavering demand,
Do you love me as I love you
with all my heart and soul?
Do you need me as I need you
to breath and live anew?
The pause tells all and on the cross
your sad eyes sink as heart sinks lower still
and suffocates your soul as
love turns sour as the vinegar dipped.
It may as well be a spear that pierces
your heart, you had it all
then dashed to pieces on the tempestuous rock
your love lies dying in that second of
doubt.

Ropes that lovers bind.

Wrapped in a lovers knot entangled
by our skin, a sheen lies on our flesh
both shared and wallowed in.
Tied together by our love, a freedom
to be adored. Welcomed in our hearts
a bliss so pure to cherish now forever.
Delighting in our loves embrace to
share and seize the day, exhalting
in my hearts romance I breath your
love in so deep and long.
Breathing soft the air you breath,
tasting the lips you smile, caressing
the skin we share at night as love
washes through the air so warmed by
your entwining arms and legs as
we merge as one complete in our devotion.
A passion tied to my heart and yours
so tight it cannot be broken. I kiss
the lips that breathe the air and bite
the flesh that we both share.
I love your scent and pleasure take
Ii all that you will give.
We share one love bound close and wrapped
in pleasure sweet. I give my all,
my love for you complete.
We share a love that can never be untied.
A lovers knot, patterned so plain, but secures
a passion raw that cannot be unleashed.

Hair and soul

I run my fingers through your hair and memories
come flooding through of when we first lighted
upon each others eyes and you just stared me
back.
I play with the braids so carefully knit and
scents betray your lovers essence
redolent in its warmth and shared so easily.
My fingers entangled in your passion and
deep into your hearts desire I love you
without thought and care as lovers only can.
Weaving through your embrace into a knot
entwined, I run my fingers through your hair
and treasure what is mine.

Ugly

Ugly is as ugly says but
who’s to say what ugly is?
We label blindly and do not think
Our words can harm or hurt.
Ugly is when ugly speaks and
never should proclaim that you
are ugly when who should judge
what’s right or wrong or not?
Ugly is the word that calls and
compares one to anothers face.
But who’s to say that ugly is and
what are we comparing to?
Ugly is a spiteful word compared
to what we judge to be a face or
shape or size. So what is wrong with
your face or size and why
is that shape so wrong?
Who can judge and who can compare
and what do we look to compare to?
Ugly is the word that states that you
are not worthy of your being.
Ugly is the voice that states you are
not what you should be, so who can say
we are not right and ugly is our fate?
We are not ugly we are all whole and
do not need compare, as ugly is the word
that shows we know not what we say.
We cannot judge, we have no right and
ugly is their name that looks to measure
one by another so who is the loser there?
Judge

If you decide on a whim
that piercings and ink are
not for you and to blank
the wearers from your life on
how much are you missing out?
Who are you losing out on?
It may seem strange to you
that peeps want to write on
their body or probe into their
skin but who are you to judge
what is right for one and
not the other?
We all have our views on our
bodies, some misguided as we
see what is not there and hold
our minds to account for our
doubts, but for the bearer of
ink or stud it has nothing
to do with you and how you
view the wearer.
Cheap to say that people are
people and never to judge a book
by its cover so why can’t we be
true to that and welcome all?

Box of Dreams

I will put in the box
My dreams of past and future joys
Of happy times that leapt my heart
With memories to grow old to

I will put in the box
The saddest times
That cut and thrust into my soul
With daggers made of stainless ice

I will put in the box
The hope you gave
That all my dreams would meld
Into a life of sun and stars

I will put in the box
My thoughts of you
The one I loved the most
Who made my heart sing loud

My box is fashioned from gossamer wings
As light as any cloud
But strong as an oxens pull
To hold my thoughts and dreams
And cares to make me
Laugh and smile again